Introverted? Extroverted? IDK!

hey guys!

how are you?

The people who have known me for a while (or even the random people in my class) know that I don’t talk much.

I talk a lot lot lot with my friends, and I also sometimes have great conversations with people in my class that I am comfortable with. Like if I’ve known them for a while and I feel like I can *trust* them I start to let my walls come down. I know when I was about 11-12 I used to be so so quiet and I literally never spoke a word to anyone. Just thinking back at those days makes me cringe so much.

I’ve always considered myself an introvert for many reasons including those above. But like when you search up like ‘signs of a introvert’ or ‘characteristics of being an introvert’ I don’t actually relate to much of the points. So I’m starting to think I might be an ambivert and kind of an extrovert; the only thing is I’m really shy.

I really hate that because I want to talk to people and make friends I just am too scared that people will think I’m weird just randomly joining in on their conversations even thought literally everyone else does that. In the last few weeks before summer my friend who I hung out with all the time in class wasn’t there because she left early. At first I was terrified because I’m like WHO am I supposed to talk to and hang out with in class now but after she left I spoke to eVeRy SiNgLe PeRsOn in the class! And it felt sooo good. People were like “huh *insert name here* I always thought you were so quiet but look what happened to you!”

I started joining in on games and jokes that everyone made in groups and I realized how alone I act when I’m just talking to that one friend. I also discovered that she might be the one kind of holding me back a little bit because she is really really introverted to the point where I want to chat with her but she just sits in silence staring at me while I try to initiate some kind of small talk. I’m sorry but that is so frustrating. Whenever our class had to get into groups and stuff I would have to be with her even if I wanted to hang out with some other people for a change because she was not good at talking to others and due to that I earned the reputation of the quiet girl who doesn’t talk to anyone except like three people.

Next year my goal is to talk to different people no matter what.

xo byee